Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Here we have the words of wisdom from several psychologists, counselors, researchers, and matchmakers “to spill their secrets to making that complicated-but-wonderful guy-girl thing actually work.” All of these dead-on tips are split up into “five major love stages.” Some may stray a bit from your own moral compass (mine too), but overall I think we’ve got a great batch of girl talk for all the ladies to enjoy…

Stage One: Falling in Lust…

Don’t sleep with a guy on the first date if you want the best shot at some kind of future with him. Yes, plenty of relationships do start that way, but you risk being put into the onetime-fling category.

Never pretend to be into a guy’s hobbies. Your true colors will come out.

When a guy tells you he isn’t looking for a commitment, repeat it to a friend or write it down. Do what you have to do. That forces you to accept that he means it…and he does. (Yes, from time to time we do need this kind of reality check, especially if your heart is being really stubborn and doesn’t want to listen! Happens to the best of us.)

Enjoy the moment when you’re on dates. That means no discussing the future with him or worrying Is he The One? by date four. For the first month or so, your only job is to have fun. (Make that the first 2 or 3 months!)

Focus on your own pleasure in bed. If you’re too busy showing off your skills, you’ll forget to just enjoy yourself (and rob him of the pleasure of driving you wild).

Listen to what his friends and family say about him. Offhand comments (“He was never a one-woman guy before meeting you!”) are some of your best tip-offs to the real him. So pay attention!

Sit or stand side by side with your man while doing things together whenever possible. Men typically feel more relaxed and intimately connected in this position than when you’re directly facing each other.

Spend equal–if not more–time with your friends in the first few months of dating. Guys often rush into a relationship, then suddenly cry, “This is moving too fast!” You have to apply the brakes. (Very true! And it takes a while to get used to this part ladies. Just takes practice.)

Keep your options open for at least three months before deciding to be exclusive. You need a minimum of 90 days to even begin to know what someone is really like.

Stage Two: Going to the Next Level…

He’s not your boyfriend until he publicly calls you his girlfriend or agrees to be exclusive. End of story. (Ladies please don’t try to bend the truth and scew reality. This is simple. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but this is definitely a mistake that does not look classy on you. Now, if you and your friends, agree you’ve been waiting forever for just an inch…then it might be time to re-evaluate why you’re still with this guy.)

When you have a problem with his lifestyle, speak up before you get really angry. If you don’t tell him that his partying bugs you, you’ll eventually explode on him- not a smart communication technique. (This takes a lot of patience. If you find yourself getting super angry in the moment, it’s best to step away from the situation and think about it or talk it over with a friend. Remember to pick your battles. Because in the end, is this REALLY something you need to start an argument over?… if it is- speak up girl!)

Let him be the first to say the L word. Men generally need more time to process emotions and voice them. Hearing it could make him feel cornered. (Normally I would probably say ‘ugh bullshit, if you want to say it first, go for it!’…but this fact can be backed up by psychological and sociological fact- therefore it might be best to let him go first )

If you need a Define This Relationship Talk, initiate it while walking with you guy. Low-key activity lowers his stress hormone levels, which rise when he’s forced to chat about his emotions. (the downside to gender socialization. Sad day.)

Hang out with happy couples he knows and thinks are cool. When he sees commitment as a fun thing, he’ll become more comfortable with it. (Only necessary if your guy hasn’t been in a committed relationship before.)

 If you think you want to marry a guy, wait to move in until you’re engaged. Otherwise, he’ll feel less incentive to take the next step. (Although, if he needs more incentive than just wanting to be with you…then what the heck? hmmm)

Shacking up while you’re engaged is a smart move. Cohabiting presents a host of challenges that are best handled prior to marriage.

Deliver an ultimatum to get a commitment only if you’re prepared to walk away. Be firm about expectations, and give him a deadline. (emphasis on the prepare to walk away part!…ultimatums can be dangerous.)

You can’t force a guy to cut ties with his past…but explain why his hanging out with an ex or someone you don’t like, hurts you. If he really cares, he’ll respect your wishes or tell you why he needs continued contact. (Very, very, very true. You cannot change the people that were in his past. No matter how much you wish they weren’t involved.)

Cut your guy some slack if he promises you’ll get engaged once he reaches a goal, like finishing grad school. But give him only nine months after that to make good on his word.

Stage Three: Hitting the First Rough Patch

Develop binocular vision: the ability to see his perspective plus your own. Try to appreciate his point of view and he’ll be more likely to appreciate yours. (This is definitely the best but sometimes the hard thing to do. But try to do this as much as possible! It will definitely work out some way.)

Couch a complaint between compliments: “You’re a great schmoozer, but I’d like a call if you’re going to miss dinner because of client drinks. I love our evening time together, and I want to know when it will start.” (Most often I say just come right out and say it. Cut the bullshit. lol but sometimes I’m nice.)

Get him to act by using humor.

Know this: over time, a guy’s attitudes, opinions, beliefs, politics, and views toward money could be fluid. What probably won’t change: his values, stance on monogamy, and religious beliefs.

Speak up about specifics- a birthday present you’d like, a restaurant you want to go to. Men don’t pick up on subtle clues.

If you find out something bad about his past, like he cheated on an ex, ask why he did it and what he learned. If he is contrite and has vowed to change, chances are, he won’t do it again.

When he seems overwhelmed during an argument, take a 20 minute break. Men’s bodies easily flood with stress hormones, triggering an instinct to flee.

Watch your mouth in moments of anger. Cruel or contemptuous comments are often forgiven but not forgotten.

Don’t criticize his attempts to say sorry. Men apologize through activity, so although you may not hear the word, you’ll see it when he takes you to dinner or gives you a massage after a fight.

Stage Four: Cruising Into the Comfort Zone

One habit all happy couples share: doing fun things together. Competitive games (pool, Trivial Pursuit) have a strong effect because they raise adrenaline, which helps you bond.

Don’t let him see you peeing, plucking your eyebrows, or doing an at-home bikini wax. You can be “real” in ways that don’t chip away at romance.

Keep some secrets to preserve mystery. Examples: your “number,” what happened that girls’ weekend in Cabo, etc.

Jump on him instead of next to him on the couch. Being sexy and playful takes effort, but it’s the glue that keeps couples together.

Don’t forget to kiss. Doing it for 10 seconds for no particular reason makes you more aroused during sex, even hours later.

…And hug too. Guys have less oxytocin, the brain’s bonding chemical, than women do, but it can be boosted with frequent touching.

If your body has changed since you met, good God, don’t point it out! Men rarely notice details like cellulite and saggage.

Balance out each negative interaction with five positive actions. Things like a peck on the cheek, make-up sex, or saying I love you will help repair and restore your relationship after a fight.

Don’t succumb to sex when you’re not feeling it. Most women need a few minutes to relax before they’re mentally ready to become intimate. Chill, then go at it.

Get past a sex slump by isolating yourselves (spending a night at a hotel or the weekend in your bed) with no distractions and only one agenda: sex.

Don’t pull a Heidi Montag and dump everyone to be with your guy 24/7. Space is healthy, and no one person can be responsible for your happiness. (Agreed 100%)

Be unpredictable. Guys want variety, but they don’t require it from other girls. While reading the paper say “You know, I’ve always wanted you to do me on the stairs,” then nonchalantly go back to the headlines.

Always thank him for little stuff (e.g., filling up your tank, being sweet to your third-wheel girlfriend). Appreciation keeps the good deeds coming.

Stage Five: Looking at the Future Together

Both of you at some point will question your ability to be faithful forever. Keep it to yourself, and don’t take it personally if he’s having the same doubts.

If you wonder whether you’re settling, ask yourself, Am I spending so much time saving this relationship that I’ve neglected the goals I had before we met? If I walked away right now, could I live with losing him? If you answer no, stick with it and reevaluate in six months.

Love doesn’t conquer all. Some incompatibilities just won’t go away, no matter how much you care.

Don’t compare your relationship to other people’s. Every couple- even the perfect-looking ones- has problems.

Innocent jealousy keeps things spicy. Occasionally laugh about how you happily rebuffed a cheesy guy’s advances.

Get real about sex: 5 to 15 percent of intercourse in healthy relationships is either dissatisfying (one of you doesn’t climax or foreplay is rushed or skipped) or dysfunctional. Don’t sweat it until you clock more duds than that.

If you do slip up and cheat, think very hard before you confess. Sometimes coming clean does more harm than good. (Personally, I think you should always confess. You should always tell the truth. If you knew what you were doing would hurt someone else, why did you do it? I think you give up your right to keep a serious secret like that, when you decided to do it from the beginning. Yes, confessing will hurt both of you, that’s inevitable, but that’s the truth and that’s life.)

Life is long. If the timing just isn’t right now, take a break. It doesn’t mean you won’t be together at some point.

Life is also short. Make a point to laugh your asses off regularly. The rest will take care of itself.

Source: The 50 Best Relationship Tips Ever by Holly Eagleson, Cosmopolitan Magazine

1. Make out with a random guy who’s completely not your type just because he’s pretty hot.

2. Take a trip alone. (Or go with a friend but spend some time separately.) Exploring exotic terrain on your own gives you a real in-the-moment high.

3. Pack in those plans guys often tend to roll their eyes about: art galleries, plays, poetry readings, etc.

4. Use the money that would’ve gone toward a BF’s birthday present for a deep-tissue massage.

5. Get at least three guys to ask for your number in the same day.

6. Throw a casual weekly cocktail party, each time inviting a different mix of friends, coworkers, and new acquaintances.

Source: Molly Triffin

92 Guy Truths…

Posted: August 10, 2010 in Dating, Fun
Tags: , , , ,

 

Quotes from guys from cities all over America:

  1. “I think about you more than you realize. I just don’t phone or email you every time it happens.”
  2. “I never tell my guy friends details about our sex life. But I make sure they know that I’m getting it regularly, and I’ll lie about how hot it is to show off.”
  3. “Making me ask a man for directions is like my telling you to ask another woman for fashion advice.”
  4. “I love being seduced, so do it more often.  Always being the one to start things sexually puts more pressure on me than you know.”
  5. “If I really do stand a chance with you, never play hard to get. I’m so freaked out by rejection, I’ll assume that you aren’t into me and stop calling.”
  6. “Please don’t ask me to help you pick out what to wear. The brown skirt, the blue skirt, they all look good to me, and I can barely tell the difference.”
  7. “It’s actually not okay to pee in front of me all the time. It’s just a little too familiar, you know?”
  8. “When it comes to your guy’s penis, remember three things: If it’s small, say it’s the perfect fit. If it’s average, say it’s huge. If it’s huge, he’ll already know, but he’ll still love hearing you say it anyway.”
  9. “Until we have The Talk, assume that I’m still working the room and fielding my options.”

10.  “Ask me to do something for you and you’ll remind me that I’m a man. On the other hand, tell me how to do something and you’ll remind me of my mother.”

11. “Anything I do that impresses you dating-wise, I probably learned from a girl I went out with before I met you.”

12.  “You may have heard somewhere that you can tell if a guy is good in bed if he’s a good dancer. Well, it’s not true. Like most men, I’m usually way too self-conscious about my moves to really let loose in front of everyone on the dance floor.”

13.  “I’m sensitive about my body, but I won’t admit it. Point out my belly flab and I’ll shrug it off in front of you, and then privately check it out later.”

14.  “Too many women can’t admit when they’re wrong, so letting me know when I’m right, no matter what the topic is, will score you major points with me.”

15.  “The fastest way to get me to do something in bed that really gets you going is to tell me what it is and ask me if I’m up for the challenge. No matter what the move involves, the chance to please you leaves me completely committed to pulling it off.”

16.  “A $2 t-shirt that just covers your ass is way sexier than 95% of the costly lingerie you think makes me horny.”

17. “Whenever you get up from our table at a restaurant or bar to go to the restroom, I scan the room to see how many other guys check you out. I like knowing that strange men envy me for being with you.”

18.  “Next time you insist on ‘freshening up’ in the bathroom before sex, make it quick. The longer you spend behind that closed door, the more my mind shifts away from doing it with you to wondering what nasty deed you’re doing in there.”

19.  “If you’re playing with me and I’m not getting hard, you’re probably doing it too lightly. Yes, I know that you like to be touched very gently below the belt, but my goods require a lot of pressure.”

20.“When I bring up something sweet I did for a now ex-girl-friend, it’s not always because I’m still stuck on her. In fact, I’m probably doing it to advertise to you that I’m good boyfriend material.”

21.  “You know those things I used to do when we first began dating, like how I listened to you tell stories about your college social life and the way I kept saying how cute your cat was? I stopped because I didn’t like doing them in the first place. The truth is, I just really wanted you to like me.”

22.“If you have to ask me if I enjoy giving you oral sex, then you have your answer: I don’t.”

23.“It’s a good sign if I bust on you. Haven’t you noticed that guys are always insulting their best buddies? We only do that with people we really like. It’s how men express affection.”

24.“You can easily discover what sex styles really fire me up if you can find my porn stash or if you view my recent computer history.”

25.“If I tell you your dress looks nice when I show up for a date, I’m being polite. If I compliment it during the date, I’m covering up because I want an excuse to stare at your body.”

26.“Every dude has at least one chick song on his iPod that he listens to often- like Gwen Stefani’s ‘Hollaback Girl.’ Yeah, I have that one, I’ll admit. But I’ll deny knowing how it got there if you point it out to me.”

27.  “Sex is way more intense when a woman is bold enough to look into my eyes for a few moments during the act. But stare at me more than that and I’ll be creeped out.”

28.“I know girls burp and fart. But hearing you do it is a zillion times grosser than when I do it in front of you- not fair but true.”

29.“Making me carry your purse in public may be helpful to you, but it makes me feel like I’m wearing a skirt: emasculated. If you ask me to carry it all the time, I’m going to resent it.”

30.“Wanting you to dress up in a cheerleader outfit doesn’t mean I’m a pedophile. I’m just trying to have a kind of sex life I never had when I was in high school.”

31.  “About my wardrobe: I pick out clothes that feel good rather than those that look good. If you want me to dress cool, just find something in fashion that’s comfy and you’ll see it on me all the time.”

32.“It’s not a good idea to read into every word I say when we fight. You’re probably choosing your words more carefully because you have been upset for weeks and have had time to plan your argument. But I’ll be caught off guard. So for me, it’s like trying to pass an oral exam that I never even knew I had to study for.”

33.“It’s exciting when you get so angry that you let the four-letter words fly- so long as they’re not aimed at me. Seeing your aggressive side makes me feel just as connected to you as when I show my sensitive side.”

34.“Close-cropped hair. Cut upper-arm muscles. Stubble on your legs. Some women can get away with these attributes, but most of the time, they remind me of a guy’s body. So if I see them on a girl. I’m completely turned off.”

35.“Ask me how many women I’ve slept with and I’ll give you a low number if I like you and a high one if I’m after a fling.”

36.“All guys masturbate, and most of us have been doing it every day or two since we first learned how to use the thing.”

37.  “I’m totally in favor of you wearing skimpy clothes when we’re out with my pals. Reveal enough to make them want you but not so much that they assume that can easily have you.”

38.“I’m so obsessed with your body that I’m honestly blind to reading your body language in bed. So you have to speak up- especially if my game isn’t all that good.”

39.“I know I’ll never be the bad-boy type, but please don’t refer to me as a nice guy, even though you may mean that sincerely. The term has been used as code for tool or loser  so often that I can’t stand hearing it.”

40.“On the subject of my mom: if you hate her, I’ll think less of you, but if you always agree with her, it also makes me think less of you.”

41.  “Giving me details about your period- that has to stop. It’s about as attractive as my describing my last bowel movement in graphic terms. Please save it for your girlfriends…unless you’re late this month.”

42.“When I propose something kinky in bed, tell me you’ve never done it before. Finding out that I’m not the first leaves me stewing over the guy who was.”

43.“Yeah, I’m inclined to get pissed off when you make me late for an event because you’re taking so freakin’ long to get ready. But if you come out of the bathroom looking fantastic, all is forgiven.”

44.“If I ever walk away from you suddenly without any explanation, here’s why: I had to either let one rip or scratch my balls.”

45.“Want me to watch more chick flicks with you? Then don’t tell all your friends about how I teared up during the last one. Come on, I have a reputation to protect.”

46. “Just because I occasionally look at other women in your presence doesn’t mean I don’t love you or don’t find you hot. It just means there’s someone wearing an outfit more revealing than yours is.”

47.  “Do something naughty between the sheets every so often that you know will shock me. Getting an uncensored glimpse of your inner wild child is the sexiest thing ever.”

48. “I despise the word cuddle. Never use it, please. But I have to admit, I love feeling your arms wrapped around me.”

49.“If you want my attention all the time, then for God’s sake, don’t give me all of yours. Honestly, making yourself a little less available only makes me want to spend more time with you. You’ll see.”

50.“If a friend of yours tells you that she thinks I’m hot, it’s probably best not to mention it to me. Sure, the news will boost my ego, but it’ll also make me imagine having sex with her. And that would make you kind of angry, right?”

51.  “You look sexy when you’re puffy from lying on the pillow all night.”

52.“We don’t understand your addiction to celebrity gossip. Whatever you do, don’t talk about it on a date.”

53.“Guys get a monthly type of PMS too. We get moody and need our space.”

54.“It’s the hottest thing when you say, “Are you going to kiss me now?”

55.“We read and reread your texts and emails.”

56.“It’s annoying when a girl continues to ask, “What’s really on your mind?” Eventually, the answer is going to be “you asking stupid questions is what’s on my mind.”

57.  “A lot of us are insecure about our bodies. Women look like beautiful, soft, gorgeous angels when they’re naked. We look like hairy orgres or little scrawny trolls.”

58.“It’s cool when a girl isn’t weird about food. I love a woman who will eat something slimy.”

59.“Never tell a guy he’s just like your father. It creeps us out.”

60.“Put on a men’s dress shirt and nothing else. We’ll be able to unbutton it no problem, and it shows off your legs in a wonderful way.”

61.  “We think it’s okay for us to have baggage, but yours still freaks us out.”

62.“We don’t understand why you like to draw out little arguments. After five minutes, we’ve mentally moved on to xbox or working out or sex.”

63.“Quiet confidence is incredibly sexy.”

64.“Women marry men hoping to change them, and men marry women hoping they don’t change. It’s unrealistic, but it’s reality.”

65.“When a guy says he doesn’t know why you’re mad at him, deep down, he really does.”

66.“We’re terrified of ending relationships. We’re always hoping the ‘fade-away’ will work for us.”

67.  “Men need a man cave- whether it’s an actual room or just time to decompress mentally.”

68.“We get self-conscious about hair on our back. A guy’s lying if he says he doesn’t manscape.”

69.“We like being the hunter/provider. And the last thing we want is for our girlfriend or wife to ask another hunter/provider for help. It’s an ego thing.”

70.  “If you say to a guy “We need to talk” and he doesn’t run, he’s probably The One for you.”

  1. “Anything bedazzled is bad news.”

72.  “We’re not fans of your hamster-size dog. It’s high maintenance, temperamental, and embarrassing to be seen with. If we wanted that, we would date a high school sophomore or a mime.”

73.  “We don’t enjoy listening to you sing. Why? Because it means watching you voluntarily bomb your one-woman talent show for what feels like a small eternity. Then, adding insult to injury, we have to tell you how great you were.”

74.  “Calling just to ask ‘Whatcha thinking about?’ is never cute.”

75.  “We absolutely care about your opinions and want to know your thoughts, just not when it comes to our clothes, our ‘dumb’ friends, or anything else we’re irrationally attached to.”

76.  “Threatening to revoke sexual privileges is both cruel and unfair and leaves us no equal measure of recourse. Ergo, we would appreciate your abstaining from all such threats.”

  1. “Your dad’s not as nice to us as you think he is.”

78.  “We never, ever want to hear these four words: We. Need. To. Talk.  The instant they leave your mouth, they register in our brain as I’m pregnant, We’re breaking up, or I’ve been kidnapped. In any case, it sends us into a mental tailspin that leaves us miserable until you explain the situation, which invariably ends up being far less damning than fatherhood or kidnapping.”

79.  “Wedding talk isn’t scary; marrying someone we don’t want to spend the rest of our life with is. If we cringe at the ‘E word’ or anything shiny with a circular shape, it’s a good indicator that we’re not thinking long term.”

80.“ We don’t mind cute pet names. However, they must never be used in the public domain, especially within earshot of our friends and coworkers. There is no amount of therapy that will repair that damage our friends will inflict when they find out we respond to Sugar Num-Nums.

81.  “You look hot in our clothes; we don’t look good in yours. Please don’t buy us skinny jeans, capri pants, or shirts that are the color of Easter eggs.”

82.“We don’t want to know about your bathroom business. We have a lovely image of you that does not include toilets. Sharing that info with us is like telling a child Santa isn’t real. Don’t kill the dream.”

83.“We know we suck at dancing. Yet we still groove with you at weddings and clubs. Our attempts at dancing are a form of social self-sacrifice for the sake of appeasing you. Therefore, curb the cutting remarks, and say something nice. After all, we tell you that you have a great voice, don’t we?”

84.“Approaching girls in bars terrifies us. It sort of feels like a no-win situation. Like, we know we’re already paddling upstream because she assumes, ‘Oh, he thinks I’m cute. I win.’ And where does that leave us?”

85.“’Wow, you look so skinny!’ us not a compliment. Having a good body means actually having something there.”

86.“No matter how big we are- and, yes, I’m referring to that area- its best to assume we have a Napoleon complex. We’d love it if you threw in a ‘Damn, that’s huge!’ every now and then.”

87.  “A man becomes a mama’s boy any time he’s sick. And any time he’s really hungry.”

88.“Dirty texts are amazing.”

89.“We’re absolutely scared shitless of your wrath.”

90.“We hate it when you say ‘I don’t know. What do you want to do?’ Guys have to do most of the heavy lifting in terms of inviting and picking the perfect place to go for dinner. Give us a break once in a while and decide what to do on a date. We’re still going to end up driving.”

91.  “A white wife-beater tank top, tight jeans, and a pair of heels drive us nuts. A black bra and you’re asking for trouble.”

92.“When we’re having a guys’ night out, we’re really not doing much of anything at all. We basically just put each other down, then laugh at each other, then put each other down…”

Sources: Guy Truths They’d Tell If They Had the Guts by Robert Buckley; 10 Things Guys Wish You Knew- Jason Mraz; 10 Things Guys Wish You Knew- Mark-Paul Gosselaar; 10 Things Guys Wish You Knew- Chris Pine;