Archive for the ‘My Neuroticism’ Category

Such Great Heights

Posted: August 2, 2011 in Awareness, My Neuroticism
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Hello everyone!

Okay so basically you never know what’s going to happen today, tomorrow, next week, or next year.

If you know me, or have read my About section, you know that I am someone who has always had a plan for my life. Almost 12 years now, I have followed that path, sure I definitely screwed up along the way, but I still made it back to the path I’m paving for myself. But, we are coming to a crossroads here. (Wow, remember that movie with Britney Spears? Ugh. Yes I saw it. Bloody terrible.)

I have two semesters left in college. It has been my goal, when I graduated to do basically all of these things in the most prioritized order.

1. Get my Masters degree in either Criminal Justice or Sociology.

2. Serve in the Peace Corps

3. Join the Air Force

Fabulously enough, I found out last year that there is such a program in which one can achieve their Masters and serve in the Peace Corps simultaneously. Smashing!

For those that are interested– there are two programs:

The Peace Corps Masters Fellows Program: Those accepted will complete their 27 months with the Peace Corps and after returning, they apply their skills and experience to the Master’s program they chose. Therefore, spending the next 2 years getting their degree.

Peace Corps Fellows Program

The Peace Corps Masters International Program: Those accepted will complete a year-to- a year and a half of Masters course work. After completing the necessary requirements, they proceed to serve in whichever country they were assigned by the Peace Corps. Then, come back to the states, write their thesis and finish any other unfinished coursework, and they’re done!

Peace Corps Masters International Program

There are 60+ colleges and universities that have these programs available. They can be found here: Participating Universities and Programs

My plan is to apply to the only two Masters International Programs in which you can attain a degree in Sociology. Be accepted to the Peace Corps. Rock those 3-4 years, then apply to federal jobs.

However, I recently discovered that I should probably have a plan B set in place in case I don’t get accepted to the Peace Corps. I have never had a plan B! I’m always prepared and organized, if anything ever went wrong, I just moved to the next possible option. I never had a second plan. I suppose my history is a bit rocky, but I still made it here.

So now, in the spirit of change…I am setting up a plan B AND a plan C! It’s a lot of applications let me tell you haha.

Plan B: If I don’t get into the Peace Corps/the two Masters International programs I am applying to, I will move home and work for a year to save as much money as possible. Then apply to the Graduate programs of my choice, and if accepted, move once again.

Plan C: If I don’t get accepted or cannot pay for the tuition with the money I have saved by then, I will join the Air Force.

So complicated! I have about 4 months to make this all happen, get my applications in, and pray the Peace Corps accepts me!

Finally, in getting lost in the paperwork the other day, I thought, what if- by some miracle- everything does work out the way I have planned? What happens when I get to the end of the line? What happens if I finally achieve everything I’ve dreamed of? I have always fought for my goals and beliefs, and I don’t ever plan to stop…but…

What happens when you get what you want?

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…

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So today, I didn’t have class because my professor had some sort of ritual to go to…or maybe a doctor’s appointment? Whatever. So! this means I can sleep in, right? Wrong-o. I awoke for no reason at 6:32 am. Awesome lol. So I organized my bookshelves, picked out another two books to read for the next 2 weeks of my relentlessly stimulating, yet exhausting life; and then made toast. (I just recently discovered Italian bread and its amazingg! This toast is my new best friend. For real, it makes me smile when I open the bread bin each morning because I know in 2.5 minutes I will be having crisp deliciousness in my mouth.) Okay moving on…

So, I really need to get my shit together on Mondays. I never have my shit together on Mondays; and the occasional Thursday…? Hmm what do you suppose that’s all about? Anyway, so I did 45 minutes of yoga. Pretty good sesh but could have been better.

Last night I made a post-it note of all the errands I had to run today. It helps me tremendously to write all my random thoughts on scrap pieces of paper which are all over my room at the moment (it’s been a rough few weeks) lol. So, by creating my 47th digital post-it note, I had captured a wild idea that I’m going to bed, and when I wake up–“I’m going to have a productive Monday! Yes! Do the damn thing girl!” (I don’t really talk to myself, but I’m trying to make this all crystal clear–how’s that working out so far? Um, probably fail. Let’s keep going shall we?

K. So I’m all ready to run my errands, got my purse, found my other shoe, pieced together all the different keys on my keychain–one big happy family again. (Last week I decided to switch it up and carried around a clutch everywhere, therefore I removed each of my most valuable keys so they would fit–and then lost them all somewhere in the abyss of my humble dwelling, like 3 days later. Nevertheless, BACK TO FAMILY KEY CHAIN. ugh) So I wave goodbye to the dogs while accidentally stabbing myself in the eye with my sunglasses because apparently I can’t walk down a staircase and put them on at the same time. Really? Ouch.

Follow along…

I go out to my car, put the key in the ignition, find some decent rock on the radio (although rock wouldn’t be rock if it was decent…you know what I mean); and then I proceed to back out of the driveway which is pretty much a 10 minute drive ’cause it’s built like the frickin’ yellow brick road. Are we there yet? Ummm so left or right? Better question…where am I going?

10 minutes later: PULL BACK INTO THE DRIVEWAY. Park. Leave the keys in the car because I’m coming right back. Get to the front door, which of course I locked 5 seconds ago. (yes I am aware of my ridiculous way of keeping track of time—also why it’s 3:30am on Tuesday…Shine on.) Run back to the car. Get into the house, run upstairs to find guidance from my 47th post-it. Oh! duh. I have to go to Best Buy, County Clerk’s Office, the registration office at school, Post Office, and I added Jimmy John’s as a bonus because I would probably work up an appetite. K got it.

Make a right, going to the post office first. Drove about 30 feet and decided it would’ve been a shorter route if I took a left. U-turn and almost hit a squirrel. Minor heart-attack. Get to the post office and it’s LOCKED! Wtf?! Oh yeah, apparently it’s a national holiday today. Damnit. It would’ve been no big deal, except that I’ve been debating for 4 days the politics of whether or not I should mail said surprise package to relatives of my significant other. And now the door is locked.

So where do I go next? Best Buy to return the three Samsung charger sets that I never used because it turned out my phone was just depressed and decided to retire. Not to mention, dumb that each package comes with three different charger heads for like every model the Samsung makes—okay cool except I just need the one, pal. lol So I make it about 8 blocks and realize. Guess who decided to stay home and chill on the bed today? The three (exact same) chargers that should have been half way to the Motherland by now.

Going back home…

Almost left the keys in the car again…but this time I only made it four strides from the car before going back to fetch the house key. Run upstairs and grab the triplets.  Get to Best Buy. Waited in line at the service desk…but it’s okay because I’m about to get thirty-five bucks! (New flats?…omg I just now realized I forgot to buy earrings today! 😦 dang that wasn’t even on the post-it!) False excitement alarm, return policy requires you come back within 30 days; one of the triplets is 19 months old, the other one is about to take it’s first step…get the picture? Bah! sad dayyy no money for me 😦

Driving to Jimmy John’s, while I have my bff on the line, suddenly three cop cars come out of no where and are all right behind me. Ummm wtf? No to mention, do you remember in my list that I had to go to the County Clerk’s Office…yeah, to pay a ticket I got two weeks ago. Hell to the no am I getting pulled over right now. Plus, um why are there three!? Is there a Dunkin Donuts convention today? Like my license plate is now etched into the dashboard of every cop car in town and they found me–it was so a mistake to take the main road today! But of course I’m cool under pressure. Kept a serious face. Discretely threw my phone onto the passenger seat, which almost made it out the open window. Second heart-attack. (Yeah I think she was still talking on the other end…) Going 19 mph. Turn down the nearest street to lose ’em. Awesome! Who’s the woMan! They’re gone. Okay, I’ll just turn down these next four unknown streets and find my way to Jimmy John’s undercover.

So…sometimes I get lost…

(most often when I have a GPS)

Made it to Jimmy John’s, as I’m fiddling with trying to get my credit card out of my “luggage” while it’s still on my shoulder, trying to hold my keys and sunglasses in the same hand; a really annoying, loud car alarm starts going off outside. Everyone’s looking outside trying to spot the idiot who’s car is screaming. Taking my time. Pay for my Turkey Tom. Get outside and the idiot is me! I had pressed the panic button while trying to find my wallet, next to the 37 different lip glosses in my purse. How embarrassing!

Ugh needless to say, I went home and crawled back into bed. The triplets were glad to be home too.

Wow didn’t realize the recount of my manic Monday would fill this much space. Anyway, I hope you all had as interesting a day as I did 🙂

Yeah, I really need to get my shit together on Mondays…

…did I mention it’s Tuesday?

Throw Me A Rope…

Posted: August 22, 2010 in My Neuroticism, Secrets


Throw Me A Rope by KT Tunstall

I want you between me and the feeling I get
When I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so above as below
That I’m missing you every time

I got used to you whispering things to me
Into the evening
We follow the sun and his colors left this world
It seems to me that I’m definitely
Hearing the best that I’ve heard

So throw me a rope
To hold me in place
Show me a clock
For counting my days down
Cause everything’s easier when your beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

And whenever you go
It’s like holding my breath under water
I have to admit
That I kinda like it when I do
Oh but I got to be unconditionally
Unafraid of my days without you

So throw me a rope
To hold me in place
Show me a clock
For counting my days down
Cause everything’s easier when your beside me
Come back and find me

Whenever I’m falling
You’re always behind me
Come back and find me
Everything’s easier when you’re beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

i miss you…

First of all, I am a person who thrives on chaos. For some reason I feel much more at peace with myself if things are completely chaotic and falling apart around me. I guess it’s because I feel the need to help whenever and wherever I can, I always try to help or be apart of situations in which I either know nothing and I try to figure out what to do within 30 seconds and then drive in, or I like to give advice and suggestions to others who are in a situation where they don’t know what to do. Now that I say that, that’s probably annoying to a lot of people haha. Sometimes I just feel the need to make my contribution, you know? Even if it’s something really small and insignificant, at least I didn’t stand there and do nothing.

Anyway, so since I love being under pressure, and I thrive on situations in which the outcome is unknown and there’s a possibility I could influence that outcome, I’m all over chaos. If I have a problem, I have to solve it.

So I try to make my days as varied and spontaneous as possible. However, three things I do without fail are:

1. an hour of yoga

2. play music

3. read

I HAVE to do yoga (shakti) everyday. Since I usually have a lot of things going on, combined with the fact that I’m always in my head, working things out and basically talking to myself, haha- yoga is the one thing that allows me to sort of step out of that life for a bit and just be me. Its just me, the sun, the sky, the air, my breath, and my body. Nothing else. That’s what I find amazing and addicting about it.  I always have to make time for yoga because it keeps me balanced and keeps me sane. If it seems like my world is falling apart around me, for some reason I become much more open-minded and able to see the bigger picture.

Music is my everything! I have 5 alarms go off in the morning or else I would probably be in an ongoing comma. Three of those alarms are my ipod, a cd player, and music on my phone. I only wake up to the song I’m in the mood for haha, which is usually by the 4th alarm…or if I hit snooze on all of them and I wake up to the 19th track on the cd, then I have a small seizure and sprint to the shower because I’m 32 years late for work or class! I play music in my room when I’m in the shower, when I’m downstairs, when I’m eating dinner, while I’m watching the news; my family finds it so annoying but I feel some sort of comfort knowing that whenever I come back to my room there’s going to be an awesome song playing 🙂 maybe I’m super strange or have a psychological disorder. This could very well be possible and I don’t know…maybe I’d be chill with it. Music is expression. Music is there when there are no more words. When you can’t figure out what you feel, or what you want to say, there’s always a song that will put things in perspective or give you courage, sadness, happiness, understanding, and just overwhelming feelings that things in your everyday life could not give such an affect.

Reading things everyday is pretty diverse. I am usually reading three books at a time, right now I am reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage, and Screw Cupid by Samantha Scholfield. I don’t know how I feel about Screw Cupid yet haha it seems like a book I would read if I’d never been on a date before, but it’s entertaining nonetheless! The Bitch in the House fills my need for female empowerment and union and of course Jane Austen is just simply brilliant and I can’t get enough of her. Aside from those I read a couple articles in the newspaper or on news websites, and I’m always reading up on something for class of course 😉

I suppose these three are pretty generic but they’re also the staples in my unpredictable days. Whether I choose to stay in all day and do as minimal activity as possible, or I’ve been on the run for 16 hours straight, I will always have time or make time for these three things. I believe its the small, simple things that count. And I am a firm believer that everyone should take at least an hour a day for themselves- or else we get lost.